Everything Can Change in a NY Minute (ooooh)

One week ago today, the man I’ve spent the last five months getting to know from afar landed in Los Angeles, where I picked him up and our in-person lives started. 

It feels like a lifetime ago simply because I feel like he’s always been here.  That’s not to say it’s all fairy tales and rainbows, quite the contrary. We have arguments, some of which are heated and some of which are cold. We are learning each other’s quirks, like I talk on the phone with friends a lot and he leaves everything laying around after working on a project. But, along with those negatives, there are positives, so many positives, and it makes me think back to younger me and wonder if I ever did a real inventory of the people I allowed into my personal space.  I think often I just thought this person is good enough and didn’t consider if they were going to push me to grow as a person, if they’d look out for my best interest, and if they made things better overall. 

Right now I’m focused on a few things: allowing myself to be in love in a healthy, mature way, being respectful when someone is trying to help/learning to not be so hyper-independent, and just enjoying the moment. 

I have made note that certain things need to change. For example, I lived a life centered around dogs. While my dogs are incredibly important to me, they cannot be the focus. I have to find a way to keep air flowing without using fans because he gets so cold so quickly. And, I need to focus on my health in all ways as he is holding me accountable, simply through asking me basic questions about my health.

So the bubble is going to burst soon and I must drive him to the airport.  He’s told me he will return at the end of May and on his next trip, we will marry.  I am processing so many things at once, but I know, without a doubt, I want this man to be my husband and I want to be his wife. Everything else is details to me. 

While he is gone, I will likely move houses, so we eventually have more space. I will focus on work and planning whatever type of wedding it is we choose to have.  And, more than anything, I will spend our time apart, which includes the holy month of Ramadan, thanking God for hearing the prayers I had as a child and again more recently. 

I don’t want to wake from this dream.