Now What

I am sitting next to the man I love, who in 48 hours will be boarding a plane bound for Morocco, where he lives, works, and has family. We are sitting in silence, listening to one another breathe, and I know we are both taking in the reality of the situation: this dream is being put on pause. 

So what now? 

Well, now I have to go back to living a life alone. I’ll wake without a hug and go to bed without a hug. I’ll cook for myself and I won’t see his smile or look into those eyes as often as I’ve been able to. I’ll survive, for certain, but man, I’ll miss him. 

For now, my heart is sad. It’s like that feeling you have at the end of a big, important day, when all of the adrenaline has worn off and you’re just left exhausted, somewhat deflated, and wondering what’s next…

A return to normalcy, only now I want a new normal.